How to set better boundaries

This week I gave a presentation on how to “Rest Better: Recharge for Vitality and Joy” to a large group of women who were spending the week at an established wellness resort in San Diego. 

What kept coming up was the conversation about setting boundaries and how challenging it is. 

It didn’t matter their age, profession, background, ethnicity… it was a common sentiment among women throughout. 

I wonder if any of these sound familiar to you:

•   tendency to overcommit and have trouble saying “no” to opportunities/invitations
•   feeling overwhelmed, rushed, tired, and getting burnt out
•   always being the “helper” and fixing/solving other people’s problems
•   neglecting self-care and putting self on backburner
•   experiencing frustration and resentment not speaking up for self
•   don’t know what you really want and allow others to decide for you

If you said yes or are nodding to multiple points… this is what happens when we don’t have strong healthy boundaries in place!! 

And if any of these resonate with you, please don’t feel bad about it! 

No one teaches us these things even though it’s super important in terms of maintaining your overall health and well-being.

 

The important thing is that now that you’re aware, you can do something about it! 

So what do you do? 

I shared my process with these women and am excited to share it here with you too.

I like to keep things simple so here are the 3 steps for you: 

1. Focus on you
   • Ask yourself: what outcome do you want? Think about what’s been weighing on you and what would feel better instead?
   • For example, is it that you no longer want to serve in that leadership/board position? Or maybe you don’t want to go to that social event everyone is expecting you to attend?
   • TIP: See if you can narrow it down to 1 or 2 sentences so it’s clear and concise to you. 
     
2. Take action
   • Remember that other people can’t read our minds… we need to actually take action and state the request. Communicate what you want or just say no. 
   • TIP: Here are some simple prompts to help:
     • I want…
     • I need… 
     • I expect…
     • I won’t be able to… 
     • Next time… 
     • I prefer…
       
3. Manage discomfort
   • The reality is that some people won’t like it when we speak up and honor our needs/wants/boundaries. It’s going to be uncomfortable.
   • So just know that it’s completely normal to experience feelings of guilt, fear, sadness, remorse, confusion, awkwardness, indifference, shame, worry, doubt, etc… it’s going to be OK! 
   • TIP: It is crucial to learn how to manage discomfort so that you can actually be heard. 

So there you have it. 

The 3 simple steps to having strong healthy boundaries. 

And yes it may seem simple, but it doesn’t mean it’s easy. 

You might be able to put up with it for a while… but at what cost? Your peace of mind? Your health? Your vitality? Your joy?

If you’re tired of constantly doing things for everyone else (except yourself) and not having healthy boundaries, let’s talk.

Book a complimentary consultation here to share more about what’s going on and I’m happy to give you some pointers/resources to help now.

#coaching #boundaries #selfcare #mindfulness #womensupportingwomen #empowerment